Rollercoaster of Love

As I clicked on the link to pull up our blog and FINALLY create a new post, I began thinking of what to write. So much has been going on. I could share so much.
But, what popped into my mind was the reality of just living life with our *newly* adopted child, home 9 months now. And, that's when it happened. I slipped right into singing, "rollercoaster of love, woo hoo hoo hoo hoo...." If you don't know the song, you can look it up on youtube. I wasn't really old enough in the 1970's to know this song really well but I must have heard it enough times to implant it into my brain. I have four sisters who were teenagers in the '70s. I blame them.

Anyway, that's what it's been. A rollercoaster of love. We have ups, we have downs. Some ups are really high and wonderful. Some downs, well, I didn't know they went that far. 

This week, in particular, has been masterfully difficult.

S. has slept well since we came home. Yes, she has needed me to go to sleep but once asleep, she does pretty well until morning. That is, until, this past week when I dared to shower at 6:30 in the morning while she snoozed away. Or, so I thought.  Suddenly, I heard her screaming from her bed on the other side of the bathroom wall. I paused, shampoo bubbles oozing down my back. What to do? Nobody else is awake. DH is off to work already.

It took me about 3 minutes to get out to her, damp and all. She came into the bathroom and sat on the floor while I finished. Not.happy.at.all.

And, it is taking all week to find normal again.

Something must have triggered in her little mind because she has begun acting as she did when we first arrived home but with a twist called night terrors. Her poor little self has been waking up thrashing and yelling all week. Even while she napped in my arms today, as she began to awaken, she fought me and began yelling No! No! No! Mama! Mama! Mama! with her eyes closed. Poor baby.

So, tonight I had the wherewithall to remember to pray over her. I sang a little praise song to which she vehemently protested, wanting instead to sing one of her select bedtime melodies. There's so much she cannot understand. There is so much she wants to control. There is so much fear in that little toddler heart of hers. She just doesn't realize yet that we are forever and there is a God who will turn her ashes into beauty.

Again, I am reminded of a song that tonight is my prayer for our daughter:

Beauty for Ashes
Chorus:
He gives beauty for ashes
Strength for fear
Gladness for mourning
Peace for despair

When sorrow seems
to surround you
When suffering
hangs heavy o'er your head
Know that tomorrow brings
Wholeness and healing
God knows your need
Just believe what He said

Chorus

When what you've done
keeps you from moving on
When fear wants
to make itself at home in your heart
Know that forgiveness brings
Wholeness and healing
God knows your need
Just believe what He said

Chorus

I once was lost but God has found me
Though I was bound I've been set free
I've been made righteous in His sight
A display of His splendor all can see

He gives beauty for ashes
Strength for fear Gladness for mourning
Peace for despair